Easter Walls

Art has
arrived.

Lights
have arrived.    

Wallpaper
has arrived.

And our
Old House
is filled with

New House

stuff.

All of it

is 

so

pretty.

All of it

is

so 

new.

And I know

just

where

it 

is 

going

to 

fit.

And then,

we sold our

Old House 

and

the Old

Year

ended

and a 

New Year

began.

Just like

that.

Years of dreams
really
just

bundled in

a day.

Like Easter,

it is bittersweet.

It makes me cry

a lot.

And smile

a lot.

But mostly

I silently

give THANKS

a lot.

Lent Walls

The building process
has left ordinary
time
and has entered
Lent.

Each wall is in prepartion
mode.

Space is being
prepared
to be fresh
and new
and painted
and primped
and lived
in.

I have chosen
every surface selection
I possibly can.
I have thought
and looked
and made
decisions.

I have cleaned out closets in
the old
house
and decided
what to
take to
the
new
house.

In the new
walls,

holes have been
filled

sanded

prepared

for
paint
wallpaper

and
tile.

Messes are getting
swept up
and carried
OUT

Reconciling the

mess

that construction

makes.

There is practically

no visual

change.

Unless you look

closely

and know

just what you are

looking for.

Lent walls.

Old Walls

Today is a
very
sunny
day
and I am
nostalgic
for
my
old walls.

There are
just
things
about
the walls
I have
lived in
that I will
miss.

The view
through
my bedroom
window.

The sweet
hole
in the kitchen
wall.

The hidden
spider
wall.

My pots and
pans
wall.

The pretty
wood
wall.

I will miss these
walls.

But when I
drive out to
the house
in
the afternoon
I find myself
so excited
to get
there,

to see
my
NEW walls
again

and any nostalgia
I've been feeling
dissipates
in the
afternoon
sunshine
of the
light
pouring into
these pretty
new
walls.

The Red Balloon

It is 11pm
and I am
making cupcakes.

What am I doing up
at 11pm at night
making cupcakes?

Since I am a
working mom,
I am the mom
who sends
the treats
instead of
volunteers my
time.

But I AM volunteering my
time,
aren't I?

My kitchen
walls
KNOW
just how many
hours I
volunteer
my time
(even if the school
doesn't)
and my new
kitchen
is preparing
to hold this
11pm secret
too.

My kitchen understands,
(and my new kitchen will
too)
that
tomorrow
is the conclusion
of Junior Great Books
and the
party of
The Red Balloon.

When I asked
Hana what she thought
of the
story
The Red Balloon,
she said it
was
sad.

When I asked her
why
she said
because the balloon
popped.

That is sad, I say.

I remind her that
after the balloon
pops
all of the other
balloons
come
to take the little boy
to fly
around
the world.

An she says
yes,
this is a
happy
ending.

Packing the
cupcakes
I notice
my shirt.

Ironically,
it is red.

I realize
I
AM
the red balloon.

Soon I
will
pop.

The baby
will be here.
The house
will be done.
There will
be a time
when I am
sad.

But my new kitchen
walls
will be
there

witnessing 11pm
cupcake sessions
where in silence
I volunteer
my time
(and in my
mind,
travel around the
world.)

I think that
all moms know,
like kitchen's know,
these 11pm
cupcake sessions
are actually
a
HUGE
part of
a
happy

ending.

Behind the Walls

When I go to
the house
and see
the work that has
been done,

I notice
all of the things
that are
going
BEHIND
the walls,

and
INSIDE
of the
walls.

My husband
is not as
interested
as I am
in this
part
of the
building
process.

I can count
the number
of times
he
has been
to the
house
on
one
hand.

I reflect
on this
a
LOT.

For me,

it is nice for once,

to not be 

wondering

or guessing

what is 

behind

a wall

inside

a wall.

Because I know
there are
things
that you don't
know
are yours
unless you have to
open
walls;

and sometimes
this isn't
all
good.

I do not
know what
is right
sometimes...

wanting to always know
what is
behind
walls

or not?

Maybe that is
why
he and I
can build
this home
together.

Because one of us
understands
what is
behind

and

inside
walls.


and one of us
understands
that
sometimes
you don't
always
need
to
know.

Lightning Fast

Someone told
me that
once the framing was
done,
things would
feel like
they
were
at
a
standstill.

But the framing
IS
done,
and instead of
s l o w i n g down
things
seem to be moving
lightning
fast.

Windows and doors (most)

went in.

Insulation
went in.

Electrical and
plumbing are
in.

And the other day,
 when I arrived
to check things out,

the crane
unloading the
drywall
through the
garage doors (and
over the
house)

surprised me
so much
I backed into
one of the
guys trucks
and took out
my
taillight.

For a full
24 hours
I felt
so
crazy
questioning
every wall
before it
was set
in
stone
I was
a
hot
mess.

Here is what I mean:

I was obsessing over

walls so

much

that I could

not even bare to

share 

my GOLD dark dipped

chocolate pretzels

with a

soul.

So I hid

them

in my scarf

drawer.

There 

will be

some cubbies

somewhere

in the

new

walls

for future

emergencies

like 

this.

Expanding Walls

I think that
the baby
knows
about the
house.

I think that
he or she
thinks that
when I
am talking
to the framers
about moving
a wall
6 inches
here,
or a
closet for more
storage
there,
he or she
thinks
I mean
him or
her.

About the same time
I was
adjusting
the walls
in the house
I started to
grow.

Uncomfortabley
grow:
6 inches here
and more
storage
there.

Understanding that
space
is needed
here or there,
now
everything,
with a little
adjusting,
is a little
more
comfortable.

Framing is done
and finishing
begins.

Story II

Opposite
the first story
the second story
was
exciting.

Things were
looking
up.

An then one morning,

before 

Christmas,

they set

the 

trusses

and it

became 

my 

home.

For some reason

topping the

house off

ended the

confusion.

Paradigm

realigned

I was 

suddenly able 

understand 

my

new

walls.

Here we are on Christmas Eve at our new home.

Footings and Foundations

Surprisingly

the most terrifying

walls

were the first walls.

The footings were confusing

The concrete walls

were not completely 

understandable

But somehow

the studding

in the basement 

and the first story

were terrifying.

Nothing looked

as it had

in my

minds eye.

Some spaces

were larger.

Some spaces

were smaller.

My perceptions

were altered

daily

as each new

wall went

up.

a view into the basement

a look from the far corner of the kitchen

from the kitchen into the family room

the first half of the front of the house

a look inside the garage

the front of the house

from the back of the house, before the front of the house went up

  

looking down into our closet and bath

looking down into the master bath

looking down into the family room

just looking down

the foyer

I couldn't 

get my 

footings

in several of the

rooms.

I re-examined 

the plans.

I felt panic.

This was

not

what I thought

it would

BE.

And then 

the day the

first story

was finished,

I arrived

to take

pictures

I approached

the front

door

and suddenly

it all

made

sense.