December 25, 2011

Dirt Walls

Hindsight
is
20
20.

Christmas Day is
the perfect time to
retrace to
the first walls
the dirt walls.

In November
I did not appreciate
or understand
the dirt
walls.

The lot was
just a hole.

A big hole
with dirt
walls.

Nothing special.
Nothing unique.
Nothing memorable.

Was Jesus born
within dirt
walls?

No place special?
No place unique?
No place memorable?

For days I drove out
to our lot
just to look
at this hole
and the
dirt walls
trying to understand
just how
this hole
became
and just what
this hole
would become.

It was hard to imagine

all of the plans we had
fitting into
that
hole.

It was hard to imagine

all of the plans we had
starting
here
amongst
dirt walls.

No place special
No place unique
No place memorable.

But in the last six weeks
that hole
that seemed

nothing special
nothing unique
nothing memorable

has become a
vessel
that
holds
Christmas,

something special
something unique
something memorable,

that can only
be appreciated
and understood
in
hindsight.









December 22, 2011

Walls

I should have started this blog here:

on our empty lot
before the walls went up
but that's not really how life works is it?  

Not everything gets started
when it should.
There are too many walls.  
There are a lot of invisible walls: 
time, making dinner, kids, jobs... you know? 
REAL LIFE.  

Then, 
when those walls fall
there are the walls that really stand in the way: 
understanding technology 
inspiration
and just plain sitting down to do it.

Eventually this blog became like cleaning my house.  
Not the daily wash-the-dishes-wipe-the-counter cleaning my house
the FOR REAL cleaning my house.  

The fact that it just had to be done 
or I wouldn't feel good
wore me down.  

I could feel it coming.

That is just how I am about the big things in my life.  

I can feel them coming.

So before I really begin this blog
I'll tell you how I got to this Wall.

It began with a man.  
Then a ring.  
Then a child.  
Then another child. 
Then another child.  
Then some reality.  

These children would need to leave our house soon
or we might find ourselves 
banging our heads against 
the walls. 
We needed to find them a school.

My husband and I did the research 
and chose a Spanish Immersion school.  
There was only one in our area.

Bring in the walls.  

We didn't live in the district.  
In the district there was a lottery for the school. 
The lottery was only for residents.  
The wait list for the lottery was long.  
We didn't know where we would move.
We didn't have the money to move.  
Moving wasn't a sure thing for getting into the school.  
We didn't really want to move.

So we prayed.  
Praying moves walls.  
I could feel it coming.

Right before our first child was to enter kindergarten
our neighborhood Christian school 
opened a Spanish Immersion School.
  
We were in.  
We did not have to move.  
We did not have to be in the lottery.
We were having our child immersed.
We made new friends.
We felt surrounded by a loving and safe community.
Uncertainty for the moment had vanished.  
Walls fell.

Over the next two years
more walls.  
We loved the school
but within the school there was no long-term plan 
to continue the immersion past fourth grade.  
We were paying a lot for the school.  
Our house was growing small.  
Very small.
You could say the walls were closing in.

So we prayed.  
Praying moves walls.  
I could feel it coming.

This past August
right before Hana, our first child, 
entered second grade 
we got a call from the original immersion school.  
They had an opening for her and an opening for Lea, 
our second child, 
who would be entering kindergarten.  

We had bought a lot the winter before.
in the original school district (just in case).  
Our building plans (because you never know) had just come in.  
We were nearly ready financially.  
Rates were good.
Walls fell.

This time
there were no walls
only a big open space in front of us.
  
That is where you see us in this picture.  
Standing in a space where there are no walls.  

I couldn't decide what was scarier.  
The fact that our praying had knocked down so many walls
and with this move, we would likely be knocking down more 
or the fact that we now had to build new walls.

So we prayed.  
Praying builds walls.  
I could feel it coming.